Self-Doubt and Achievement: Feedback Thoughts

    I think that in whatever career you're in, whatever your major is, feedback is an incredibly important thing. When I was in middle school and high school, I was very much into music. I was in the symphonic band, the marching band, and the jazz band at my school (I know, a lot, but I'm from one of America's oldest jazz centers and also my mom has super high standards, but we'll get to that later), and I was often compelled to audition for both district and state bands with other kids my age. Just for reference, I played trombone, and at one point, piano.With music, as with many other things, there is no such thing as perfection. There is always some way, big or small, in which you can improve. But hearing yourself and being able to pick up on your own weaknesses or flaws is hard sometimes, so I had to rely on a lot of external sources for my feedback. Those sources came in the form of my band director, my private trombone instructor, and even my own cell phone. What I did a lot, at the suggestion of my band director, was record myself on my phone while practicing, and listen back to it later. Of course the sound quality wasn't great and it was hard to pick up on more minute details, but this way I at least was able to pick up on obvious mistakes that I might not catch in the moment. Because my older sisters had excelled at music, I was expected to, as well, and that meant that I was receiving frequent feedback from my mom about my progress. I struggled with managing that (sometimes negative) feedback then, and I still struggle with that now. I think that it's natural for us as humans to immediately reject or dismiss negative feedback; being confronted with your mistakes, without the right mindset, is a hard thing to do, and maybe it awakens some evolutionary, biological fight-or-flight kind of instinct that equates mistakes with weakness, and therefore danger. But I'm getting off track, and I don't really have any business delving into the human psyche.
    Laura is right, mistakes are completely natural (like I said, perfection is probably not a possibility, no matter how much we try), and it is important to acknowledge those mistakes in order to learn and grow. I talked about this a little in my post about the growth mindset, but the reality is that schools today do focus more on grades and standard benchmarks than on personal progress and growth (again, Laura is totally right here). I feel like in the past few years the idea of self-love has come more to the forefront of our society's consciousness. For me, a key part of self-love (and I'm still struggling with this, like pretty much everyone except Lizzo) is accepting your own flaws, to a certain extent. We are often our own biggest critics, too, like Fox's article in The Harvard Business Review says. With self-love, we are trying to sway our harshest judge, ourselves, over to our side. Like the people in Fox's article, most of us find ourselves (sometimes unconsciously) making judgments about our every action. Even people who seem to have it all figured out are likely criticizing their own actions on a regular basis. Even top executives, Fox points out, "struggle with how they talk to themselves." The best leaders, Fox argues, face that universal struggle head-on. Instead of silencing or trying to ignore that inner voice of self-doubt, we should respond to it with a bit of "compassion and friendly reassurance." We can accept a mistake we have made without convincing ourselves that it's the end of the world, or that we are somehow less valuable as people because of it. Have a dialogue with your inner self, Fox tells us, and give yourself a second chance. As someone who tends to be hyper-critical of herself, I think that's a really important lesson that I still am learning today.

I know it's corny, sorry! (Source: Canstock Image)

 

    Speaking of self-doubt, let's talk about ways to crush it. John Spencer, a professor and author, gives us "Seven Ways to Crush Self-Doubt." I'm not going to outline each of his points (I recommend you read the whole article for that, because he explains it all so well), instead I will talk you guys through some of my favorite points. His first point, and one that stood out most to me, is that we should break the habit of comparing ourselves to others. This is something I'm still working on today. I mentioned my sisters in the beginning of this article. Growing up as the youngest of three girls, I was compared to my sisters often. I don't think my parents meant to make me feel uncomfortable or anything; I think if anything it was just their way of motivating me. The point is, that I grew up with that tendency to compare myself to those around me ingrained in my psyche, and I think a lot of people can relate to that. When you compare yourself to others, you lose sight of your own progress and start seeing the people around you as competitors rather than members of your community that could potentially help to lift you up, and who you should be lifting up, too. Everybody starts in a different position in comparison to others, everybody has a unique set of advantages and obstacles keeping them from or pushing them towards a certain goal. Focusing on how you compare to others distracts you from noticing and celebrating your own growth. This goes hand-in-hand with Spencer's fourth point, which is to embrace Carol Dweck's "growth mindset." If you read my post about the growth mindset, you know that I'm a big supporter of the idea. While it is hard to implement that concept in a school setting today, I think applying it to your own personal mentality is worth considering. I can see how focusing on your own growth and progress rather than your position in comparison to others would be an effective weapon against chronic self-doubt. Spencer also suggests that we "set goals that are within our control." I interpret this as setting goals that are specific and achievable. Reaching too far too fast can cause us to burn out, and the failure of reaching too lofty of a goal might deter us from continuing to pursue that goal. Instead, think of your main goal, and line out smaller goals leading up to that main goal, instead of trying to tackle it all at once. You're more likely to succeed by tackling it in manageable bits, and the periodic success of achieving those smaller goals will help you to stay motivated to reach the end.

    I do have to reiterate again that self-doubt is something I struggle with on a daily basis. As I get older, I find myself noticing it less and less, but it is a constant struggle, and some days are harder than others. I personally still find receiving negative feedback hard sometimes, but it is important to accept your own mistakes and to look at them as potential areas for growth instead of huge personal defects. I'm hoping that throughout the course of this class, I will be able to better manage self-doubt and negative feedback, and be able to apply those things to other areas of my life.